White Pants

OK everyone, I’ve been saving this rant all summer but now that Labor Day Weekend is here so is my tolerance. My patiences is spent and it’s time to face the cold harsh realities of the world. Between Memorial Day and Labor Day I can’t get upset, but now it’s time to start calling all of you out because come Monday your time is up. You think you might look sexy in those white pants against your tan skin but the sun is going down and soon you will be back to your pasty self and you’ll look like a blank sheet of paper if you go out in those things.

It’s a fashion fopa out of season, some fashion experts say that trend is no longer a thing, but I’m telling you now it has never been more alive. White pants are a summer thing, but in reality they should be a never thing. The practicality of them just never made any sense. They get dirty right away unless you’re boring, and who wants boring?

I have to admit, white pants out of season is one of the most irritating things to me. When I am out on the town and see a pair of white jeans I just feel sorry for the poor soul and I feel it is my job to inform them of their fashion error. Most just roll their eyes at me, others ignore, but sometimes I will get some verbal feedback and I really don’t feel like my words sink into them. After these engaging deep conversations I am just worried they won’t correct their error and just keep repeating this fopa that could ruin their life.

Maybe these numbers will help you come to reality. White pants on a woman during season drops their chances of finding a partner by 25%, out of season that number jumps to an 80% chance of not finding a partner. For guys the chances of finding a partner when wearing white pants anytime of year is a slim 5.7%.

The only time I give a pass is when one is in the tropic regions, spa retreat, or temple wearing a white linen pant and top. Sometimes that is a very relaxing look.

So, I am calling upon you to help me with this fashion nightmare. When you see a lady out of season let them know they need to store them for the winter. When you see a guy tell him to burn them. Please give warning this weekend while you’re out that winter is coming and that those pants better go into hiding come Monday. Together BeerSpit with your help can be the leading force in this societal correction.

If you disagree with me let it be known in the comments below and defend your honor, like you have any. If something bothers you mention it in the comments or email us and your rant might be featured.